Listen. Carefully…

We don’t mean to be misunderstood, but there is a limit to how much you can push one’s patience.

Liberals. Conservatives. Libertarians. Anarchists. Tru-punx. Vegetarians. Social conservatives.  Hipsters. Dipshits using the word irony, not knowing what it means, and when you call them out on it, say ‘I know, I was being “ironic”’. With added air-quotation marks. Toffs. Oiks. People that say “I’m not a racist, but…’. Atheists. Creationists. Evolutionary biologists. God botherers. Hari Krishnas. People that don’t understand what karma actually is, or means. People that say ‘Cheer up, it might not happen’. Earth children. Homophobes. Industrialists. The Countryside Alliance. Queue jumpers. Dentists. Lobbyists. New Labour. Old Labour. Anyone with an informed opinion and a smarmy-arsed grin. The ignorant.

Ever just want to smack a mother*, but think what’s the bloody point?

In an effort to help you (and ourselves) purge some of that frothing demented viscous bile, we are going to hate on everything, and you’re going to laugh about it**.

Angry Man Number 1

I like fire. I have a very long list of dislikes, which I could tell you about, but then there won’t be much point in having the blog now, would there? I’m also a bit of a self-hater (see above list). I don’t own a dog but when I do it will bite your ankles. I will generally accumulate hate throughout the day until I feel it necessary to unleash said hate through one of the many fine, socially acceptable, outlets this fine world has to offer. I’m probably one rant-suppression away from a breakdown.

Angry Man Number 2

I’m a misanthrope. I have a “generalised dislike, distrust, disgust, contempt [and] hatred of the human species” (thanks Wikipedia – you’re always so concise). I also don’t like the sound of fingernails scratching against denim, or rough cotton. I like the word foibles. I don’t like people that click their fingers at waiters. I adore kittens. Schopenhauer had it right when he said “human existence must be some kind of error”. Asking why we shouldn’t all commit suicide will lead to you being accused of bestiality. Indefinitely.

* Not an actual mother.
** Disclaimer: If you don’t agree with what we say, that’s cool. We aren’t saying we’re right. But that doesn’t mean we won’t resort to childish insults without a remotely good reason. Why? Because fuck you, this is the internet, that’s why.

3 Responses to “About!”
  1. Melanie says:

    Kittens suck. I click my fingers at waiters. Not everyone should commit suicide, only those who do not want to live anymore.

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